Melancholy in B-flat

Try as I might, I just can’t make the jump from casual blogger to daily blogger.  Maybe it’s too time consuming (I am a one-finger typist after all)…answering emails takes me several hours and by the time I’m caught up, I’m also burned out!

Since the last entry, I have been to another reading, this time at the Sacramento Poetry Center with Bill Gainer.  Our hostess, the ever elusive Eskimo Pie Girl of Sacramento Poetry, Arts & Music (that’s right, SPAM), emceed the night with panache.  It was a reasonable sized crowd and I managed to sell four books (thus paying for the gas and part of the car rental)…not bad.

Saw my dad too, but couldn’t make it back up for Thanksgiving, so it was a little bittersweet.  But this was balanced out by my being able to visit with some friends that I hadn’t seen in quite a spell.  That’s what makes these trips worthwhile, otherwise I’d just drive up the day of the reading and drive back the next day…bim, bam, boom! Instead I went to Grass Valley, Shingle Springs (to see Michael Paul and his wife Claudia Licht), drove around the Sierras for a few hours, went to Sacto and then, on the trip home, stopped in Bakersfield to visit Nick Belardes before getting into the rush hour traffic in L.A.

It’s always the full plate with me.

October was a rotten month for me, work-wise…barely scrapping by on five days wages. It was tight, so tight in fact, that I thought I might have to move into my car and live on the street.  I did that for almost a year back in ’83, but I had a homemade camper shell on a truck.  I think it would be easier now because the modern technology  allows much more mobility than back then.  Between cellphones and Wifi, it’s much easier to stay in touch with the world.  Truth be told, I wasn’t too worried about staying in touch back then…near as I could tell, nobody gave a good Goddamn about me anyway.  I was pretty much on my own (some things never change), making my own way as I have done for most of my life.  Maybe that’s why it’s always raining on my “inner” landscape.  Maybe that’s a source for my eternal melancholy, this constant need to be on my own.  It does kind of wear you down though, always flying solo.

To be honest, I kinda miss having a girlfriend.  I used to have “girl” friends, but they all got boyfriends and that was the end of that…you know how it goes.  We get together sometimes, but not nearly as much as I would like.  I guess I’m always going to be the third wheel, which is sad, because it’s nice to have some companionship, or someone you care about to cuddle with.  But no one has been interested in curling up with me in quite a while.  It’s okay, I’m used to it (wish I wasn’t, but…)

BTW I should mention that book sales for the titles I have published in the last two years are starting to increase.  In October, when I thought I was gonna lose my apartment, one of the things that saved me was Internet book sales, specifically Pris Campbell’s Sea Trails which sold like hotcakes right up to the end of the month!  Now, at the end of November, her books are starting to sell again, along with a few other titles (it’s the trickle-down theory at its best). Next year I’ll be publishing a number of new titles, including Hard Landing by Rick Smith, Steel Valley by Mike Adams, Drive By by John Bennet, and a cookbook (!) by 5 star chef and poet, H.L. Thomas.  Also on deck are poetry from Gerald Locklin and Jane Crown and Scott Wannberg.  Hell, I might even put out a new collection myself!  If I can just get enough of a roster together I might be able to support myself by selling poetry, instead of having to work out in the wind and cold. I hate to harp on it, but if you are reading this blog and you haven’t been to my website to checkout some of the really excellent titles that I have published, you really should check it out at www.lummoxpress.com Do yourself a favor, buy a good book of poetry…it makes a great gift!!

We all need a dream. Trick is to just keep plugging away and not let the bastards get to you too much.

Finally, a note in passing for my friend Donna Gebron, who just died rather suddenly from a very aggressive form of cancer.  We had planned to drive up to Sacramento for that reading I just mentioned, but she took a sudden detour from which there was no return.  She is already missed by many in the L.A. poetry community and I would like to dedicate this post to her memory.  Rest easy, girlfriend…

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One Response to “Melancholy in B-flat”

  1. Donna Gebron..what can i say about her
    she was a loving beautiful grandmother of myn who i treasured and
    loved, her poetry was Art, it was her passion.One
    her poetry books “Pink & Naked in the Ultr Violet Life” was beautiful!
    one of the poems talkes about my aunt who is compared to a palomino horse.
    you should read it its amazing! if you want it its in the
    vinegar hill press site

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